A Beautiful Fall Day

It was a beautiful fall September afternoon. Perfect for an afternoon drive. And that we all did!

That is my dad's 1931 Oldsmobile. He loved that car. He has had it as long as I can remember. So we piled in (no seatbelts needed and no turn signals for that matter!) And we got icecream. It was beautiful afternoon and I ordered my dad's favorite, Michigan Black Cherry. Oh how I cherish the memories. My dad had a big smile today and I did too.

Upside Down

Life has a way of turning you upside down; a time when the blood rushes to your head and you've been spun so far and so fast you don't know which way is up and which way is down. I wrote exactly one month ago about change, change...well the change came hard and fast and so fast that I hardly had a second to breathe.
In one month's time I became an orphan. Yes, an orphan. I am still in disbelief; no matter how much you think you're prepared to lose a loved one, you're never prepared.

So here I stand at the cross roads and I'm not sure really what happened over the last month. It seems like a blur, like a nightmare that didn't really happen. I want to wake up and have my mom tell me it's okay, it was just a dream. I want to sore above it all and forgo all the pain.

Hospice called us in on Wednesday, August 25th, noting that it was soon to be the end. We gathered, all of us, 8 grandchildren, 3 of the 4 children and spouses, along with Sharon. It was a time of all of us having the opportunity to say our last goodbye. What do you say when you know it's your last time you'll be with that person? Wow. Tough day and hard to put into words. I had some time alone with dad. I told him how much I loved him. I thanked him for all the memories and advice he'd given me over the years. I told him it was okay to go and that Jesus was waiting for him.

Dad fought quite a fight. He hung on through the night and hospice called us in again Thursday morning. He had spiked a fever over night and usually that is the sign the end is near. I thought I didn't really want to be there at the end but I'm so glad that I was. It was pretty much a waiting game all day. It had really started to drag on and it was agnonizing! We continued to repeat to dad that it was okay to go.

At 5:00 pm dad's breathing had started to change, enough that it was noticeable. I was holding his hand on one side and my sister on the other side. You would think that it was the last breath and then there it was again. Quietly and slowly, he breathing slowed until it was no more.

And the Lord said, well done my good and faithful servant. And there he ran into the arms of Jesus.

The service was beautiful and very honoring of my dad. I was so proud to hear all the kind things people said about him, all the memories shared and was overwhelmed by all the love and support!! And while it was good to see people I haven't seen in ages, to hug those who also loved him, it was emotionally exhausting.
I have to say that I was and am glad to have the support of my family....

And I couldn't be where I am without my sister....

And life goes on...and I continue to remind myself that he's not in pain anymore and all week, he's been enjoying a heavenly round of golf! Life, yes, it will never be the same; it will never return to the normal that it once was. But that doesn't mean that God isn't there, holding my hand, just like I was holding my dad's. He's right there, even through the tears, even through the fears. And the winds of change continue to blow...

Change, Change!

Things have been crazy busy and so much change is happening! I can't even believe it all! Sometimes change is hard but it is good.
So for awhile now, I have had this tug on my heart that I needed to move on in my job. I ignored it for a long time because I know change is so hard. I didn't want to face it. I loved my job and I have so much there! I had an offer earlier this summer and I turned it down. It just didn't feel right. I prayed over it. I really, really wanted it. I just knew in my heart it wasn't right.
So I came home from camping a few weeks ago and I was just looking through all the websites I browse. I don't know why but I just clicked on my kids' school website and why, I still don't know but I clicked on the human resources and there it was...a job as a secretary at my son's school. Wow! I could do that! The job description and the qualifications sounded like me. Hmmmm...Dave and I talked about it. Well I decided to just try it out. If it worked out, great and if not, that was okay too! But the resume was due on Monday and here it was Friday night already. I worked over the weekend and upated my resume. I turned it in at the very last minute on Monday!! Oh well....here it goes!
Friday I got a call from the principal, "Could you come in for an interview on Tuesday? You're the first person I am calling so you have your choice of time!" Was that a good sign?
The interview went so well. I knew the teachers who sat in on the interview. I felt good about the answer I gave to their grilling questions! I left knowing I gave it my best and ultimately there was nothing else I could do. They told me there were 45 applicants and they had narrowed it down to 10. From there they would narrow it down to 3 and they would call me later in the week if I was one of those for a 2nd interview.
So on the golf course Tuesday night at 7:30 pm I got a call and instantly recognized the number! Yes, I had gotten a second interview; "Can you come in tomorrow morning at 9:30 am for a 2nd interview with the Assistant Superintendent!?"
Oh my gosh! I have a shot! Well, the 2nd interview went well. (I did have to take a 4th grade math test...I think I passed!) I left again knowing I had given it my best. I had been true to myself. I presented myself honestly and openly and knew that it was out of my hands! They told me she would call me later that day with the results either way.
12:30 pm, two hours after having left the interview, the phone rang again and I knew without looking at the number who it was going to be. I couldn't stop saying, "Oh my gosh...oh my gosh...oh my gosh!!" I was thrilled and excited and nervous and scared and happy and sad....I thought how can you feel so many differing emotions at once.
So....I'm excited to be called one of the secretaries at Ralya Elementary in Haslett! It's a new turn; a new path and a new "lease on life." It will be a good distraction and a good thing in my life!!

Yes, I have been absent for a little bit. It was nice to get away but also strange to not have internet at my fingertips at any given moment. It's funny how we begin to rely on those things. But in my time away, I did have lots of time to think about things, to journal, to have time refreshed.

When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
                                     Isaiah 43:2

O joy that seekest me through pain,
I cannot close my heart to thee;
I trace the rainbow through the rain,
And feel the promise is not vain
That morn shall tearless be.
                                George Matheson
                                 "O Love That Will Not Let Me Go"

So do not fear, for I am with you;
  do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
  I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
                                Isaiah 41:10

More difficult news came but I didn't wash my car. Dad was moved to a hospice home today. I don't know if he really understood where he's at or fathom what is at hand. Sometimes he has that look....that look that no one is there. And it's gut wretching. It cuts to the soul and breaks my heart. I understand  feeling as small and as insignficant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places that you didn't know you had inside you.

Storms come in many forms. Some come with no warning. Some we see brewing on the horizon and we know it's only a matter of time before they are upon us. Whenever that storm comes, we know that into our lives will blow heartaches and pain. And although we cannot choose what happens to us; a tornado, hail, sprinkles or just a gentle rain, our choice lies in what we do with what life brings us.

Sharon said today as she handed me a new book to read (Heart in the Right Place), "'Fear not!' is a command given more than 300 times in the Bible. The Lord's telling us not to let ourselves be afraid. We can't afford to be scared. It just gets in the way of us doing whatever it is that we're supposed to be doing." We were reminded of that several times today...helping Dad out of the house he's known for the last 15 years, watching the car slowly make its way down the drive, returning and seeing an empty chair in the house, looking at the old, grungy ball caps hanging in the garage and contemplating what life just might be like in a few months knowing that with every turn is a reminder of what we will be missing.

One of the things I did during my journaling time was to work on Dad's obituary. I told someone I did that and their first reaction was, "Really? Wow! That must have been difficult." Honestly, it was very healing for me. It was a step. So, here it is:

Paul Peacock, 66 of Brooklyn passed away under the loving care of his beautiful wife, Sharon and his family. Born November 4, 1943, Paul was a quiet man with a sense of humor who made people laugh despite his often reserved nature. Paul was a person who always put others ahead of himself. He was a platelet donor at the ARC and had donated almost 50 gallons prior to his cancer diagnosis.
A man of great courage and strength, he strived to teach his daughters important lessons in life and always had wise words and advice. He once wrote on the corner of a paper to his eldest daughter, "Always plan ahead."
On March 22, 1986 Paul married his soul mate and friend, Sharon Mary. They were so good for each other. Many rich memories were made over their 24 years of marriage. They made each other laugh and love life. They enjoyed ballroom dancing, square dancing, golf and many, fun activities together.
Paul served at the Brooklyn Presbyterian Church for more than 36 years as deacon and on various boards and committees. Everyone who met Paul fell in love with his gentle nature and loving presence.
Paul worked at Consumers Energy in Jackson for over 30 years when he retired in 2002 as a Senior Rate Analyst. He loved his job and made many lifetime friendship including Carl Gilzow, Bill Milligan, Jerry, Jack and many others!
He loved sailing, golf, NASCAR and fishing! Family was of utmost importance. Paul, an avid race car fan, taped every race since the early 80's. He watched every week and enjoyed several races with his oldest daughter. Another sport he loved was Red Wings Hockey, which he enjoyed with his youngest daughter!
Paul was preceded in death by his brother, John, in 1972. Surviving are his wife, Sharon; his parents, Maynard and Bertha of Alma, MI, his brother Dan (Kathy) of Kalamazoo, his sister Elizabeth (Grant) Tucker of Houston, TX, his daugthers Cammie (Dave) Krueger of Haslett, Dana Everett of Jackson, stepdaughter, Sheryl McKeown of California and stepson, Chuck (Kim) McKeown of Jackson, his 8 grandchildren, Alexis, Emma and Matt Krueger, Trent Futrell, Logan and Caleb Everett, and Duncan and Devin McKeown; numerous nieces and nephews.
A very special thank you to Allegiance Hospice for their special care.

A prayer from Riches Stored in Secret Places....

Lord, the storms come and we cry out in our agony that life is unfair. We doubt your love and question your goodness. And the pain often blinds us to the rainbows of your presence. The fear that life will never be good again keeps us clinging to the shreds of what we had instead of allowing you to build a new and deeper life out of our brokenness. Help us, Father to remember in these dark days the things we know to be true about you, the things that seem so easy to believe when life feels good. Help us to cling tenaciously to the promises that your love is unfailing, your strength is made known in our weakness, and you will never leave us or forsake us. Give us the grace to offer up to you our tear-stained praises for being our anchor in the storm.
Amen.

Therapy

Sometimes when I get "not so good news" my first reaction is to go wash my car.

I don't know why. Maybe it just helps relieve stress! Sometimes it's just therapeutic! I remember when I was little watching my dad wash and wax his truck. I wanted to help; just to be doing something with him. He was very particular about how it was done and he showed me just how to do it, making sure to wax it just the right way. That was a fun thing to do when I was a kid and I still enjoy it today! That's what I did yesterday. And while I was washing and cleaning and vacuuming that song came on (see previous post) and I cried!

We have Dad now on a waiting list to get into the hospice home. Things are declining quickly. Yesterday he didn't know Sharon, his own spouse. It was so heartbreaking to hear that. But he did know his girls (me and my sis). His strength is weakening. I think things are going to happen sooner than we might have expected.

I keep listening to Louis Armstrong's version of "What a Wonderful World" just so I can be reminded everyday, despite the circumstances swirling around in my life, that it really is a wonderful world.

Life's Not the Breaths You Take

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VS5X2V5s58A

I have nothing to add! What a great song - Life's not the breaths you take but the moments that take your breath away!

The Breath You Take - George Strait

He looks up from second base dad’s up in the stands

He saw the hit, the run, the slide there ain’t no bigger fan
In the parking lot after the game he said
“Dad I thought you had a plane to catch”
He smiled and said “Yeah son I did”


Chorus
Life’s not the breaths you take
The breathing in and out
That gets you through the day
Ain’t what it’s all about
Ya just might miss the point
Try’n to win the race
Life’s not the breaths you take
But the moments that take your breath away




Fast forward fifteen years
And a thousand miles away
Boy’s built a life he’s got a wife
And a baby due today
He hears a voice saying “I made it son
He said “I told you dad you didn’t have to come”
He smiles and says ”Yeah I know you did”




Chorus

Just like it took my breath when she was born
Just like it took my breath away when dad took his last that morn
Life’s not the breaths you take
The breathing in and out
That gets you through the day
Ain’t what it’s all about
Ya just might miss the point
If ya don’t slow down the pace
Life’s not the breaths you take
But the moments that take your breath away

I Love the Elderly!

I love the elderly! This is my grandmother.

And this is my grandfather.

I love visiting the assisted living home every other Friday! I just have so much fun. This week when I visited my grandfather got up from his favorite chair and went to get his desk chair on wheels so he could sit across from me, facing me. I asked what he was doing and grandma piped up from the seat next to me, "Oh he is just going to sit on His Throne." I burst out laughing and giggling! It was so cute! For some reason when we get older, we are no longer afraid to say what we really feel and think. It's like the innocence of childhood all over again. My grandma is stubborn and doesn't like people to tell her what to do...like her exercises! But she is a blessing to me. We have a lot of fun just sitting together and enjoying the moments and reminscing about days gone by! My grandpa now says, "I don't tell people how old I am. I just tell them that together grandma and I are 185 years old!!" And the other amazing part is they have been married for 69 years!!!! Wow! You know, if my grandfather had a high school class reunion he would be celebrating 75 years this summer! How many people do you know who can say that!?
Today, I drove back to Alma (for the third day in a row) and surprised my grandpa. He didn't know I was coming but he had mentioned on Friday that he was singing in church on Sunday! When I snuck up in the pew and asked if the seat next to him was taken, he didn't quite know what to say. He was so happy for the support and to know that I cared enough to come! And oh, it was beautiful! He sang, "What a Wonderful World" and "His Eye is on the Sparrow." I think the real surpise (and blessing) came to me! I truly drove away knowing I was so incredibly blessed!

A Blessing

This morning the dog woke me up at 4:30 am.! He had chased a raccoon up a tree. And he barked uncessantly! I tried earplugs but it didn’t help much! Upon discovery, indeed it was a raccoon!

Oh the simple life…

This morning after I found the raccoon I decided to slip on my Wellies (while still in my pjs of course) and take a walk. It was a blessing walk. Everywhere I turned, a blessing...

The pigs enjoying an early morning cat nap. (hehee and morning breakfast!)
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The sheep curious as to what I was doing...

 

 

 

And the hens and chicks peeking the ground in search of a little food!

 

And then my favorite, the goats. Oh the baby goats how fun they are! They had just gotten their morning bottle.

Then I continued on and walked through the pasture.

Can birds really read? "Welcome birds."

And when I returned I was filled with joy and awe at the God who provides endless blessings right there in front of me.

And the dog cried for his raccoon that he really wanted….

One dead raccoon but one lucky dog! Isn’t that what we all do...cry for what we really want and God knows best and we are lucky; blessed beyond belief!

Life is Short

"Doubtstorms," Max Lucado calls them. "Turbulent days when the enemy is too big, the task too great, the future too bleak and the answers too few."



There are those times in life when there is nothing we can do to change the situation, nowhere we can go to get away from the loss, no one who can make things better. When life hurts we would like God to pick us up and let us soar above the heartache so that even though we know it is there we don't suffer the deep pain we know is coming.

Little do we know that the greater miracle in the midst of the our most grievous storm is when God gives us what we need to simply walk and not faint. At first, this hardly seems like a miracle at all. Because we really do believe that we could soar but then realize it is out of the question and there is no more running to be done. The only thing left is the helplessness of a reality that has forever changed the shape of life as we have known it and love it. Then comes the "keep on keepin' on" stage, when all we want is to go somewhere so we can coddle the gaping wound we have been left with and try to survive the unbearable pain.

When a storm comes along of sufficient force to wipe out our livelihood, our health, our most treasured relationship or perhaps our lifelong dreams, and we are left standing in the rubble of our shattered life, we are in many ways reduced to infancy. So much has been lost and so much changed that we must essentially start over again. We must begin to walk before we can think about running or soaring. Sometimes I wish people who haven't lost someone or experienced these feelings could just get a glimpse of what it is that we feel. Indeed we need help just to be able to stay on our own feet. When we can't carry ourselves, when the loss is one we cannot rise above or work through but no amount of prayer or effort can restore, our most immediate need is the grace to survive the intensity of emotional despair and the physical fatigue that accompanies it. It is here that our faith is being soarly tested at the same time it sustains us!

 

It is here we often cry out from the depths, "Where are you, God?" It is also here that God can do His deepest work in our lives because here we become aware that we have nowhere to go but to Him. We can pour out our screams of unfairness to God until we are empty and broken enough for Him to begin to teach us His absolute faithfulness. We can come to see God, ourselves, and our faith journey with new eyes as we simply hold out our hands and allow Him to lead us into a greater awareness of His wisdom.

I wrote some of this after my mom passed away and I read an incredible book (no longer available at bookstores called Riches Stored in Secret Places by Verdell Davis). It helped me get through the grief of losing my mom. To say that I struggled for months on end was an understatement. It rocked my world. But looking back on the last several years, God was ever needed, ever faithful, and ever present. I had longed for the pain to be gone, the lessons to be learned and the light to shine again. He gave me the grace to walk in the impossible places, taught me to trust and that I will again run and even soar.

Yesterday a friend passed away and my heart aches for the family. I do feel their pain and their struggle. O Lord, please comfort this family in their time of grief.

It is a gentle reminder that life is so short...gone in an instant. O, take that time today to tell someone how much they mean to you, how much you love them, how much they've had an impact on your life. You will never get the chance after they're gone!

Pondering Quotes

I found this quote and have been pondering it ever since!

God is not always silent, and man is not always blind. In every man's life there are moments when there is a lifting of the veil at the horizon of the known, opening a sight of the eternal.... But such experiences are rare events. To some people they are like shooting stars, passing and unremembered. In others they kindle a light that is never quenched.

It just struck me today after experiences this week and I wanted to share. Not sure why but there it is and do with it as you like. Perhaps it will cause you to pause and open your eyes to see glimpses of heaven!

P.S. I took this picture at my dad's house at sunset. It does make me think of the quote above..."a lifting of the veil at the horizon of the known, opening a sight of the eternal"...hmmm

a Picture is Worth a 1000 Words!

Today was a beautiful day! And I mean that in all respects! What started out as a cloudy overcast day turned into a sunny evening and tied with a beautiful sunset on top! We prayed and many prayed for no rain and God showed His faithfulness! Family pictures took place at my dad's lake house! My sister was there with her family! Dad and Sharon both cried some but smiles seemed to ease the thoughts in the back of each of our minds! To top it off the photogragher was amazing! I love her! She captured each moment, each relationship and I can't wait to see the results!!! Today is definitely a day I will always cherish!

A Dream

I had a dream the other night. After I woke up I was really shaken because it was so incredibly real. In my dream, Sharon called me and told me my dad had passed. I kept repeating, "I never got to say goodbye. I never got to say goodbye." She told me to not worry about it. She said because of the circumstances, even though he just passed that morning, they were having the funeral at that afternoon. I was so upset because no one would know and no one would come. And I continued repeating, "I never got to say goodbye." Then I was at their house but there was a dining room in the bedroom. I was so upset and I sat at the table. Then my dad was at the table. Oh how the tears came and I told him how much I missed him. He reassured me that everything was going to be alright and that he would be watching over me.
The dream was incredible. It was so real.

Dad had a rough day. He slept for quite a while this morning. My brother in law told him he'd take him sailing because it would give him something to look forward to that day. Chad went with my two nephews, Trent 16 and Caleb 10. Everything seemed like it was going to be smooth sailing until they got out from the bay. Dad started slumping and felt like he couldn't sit up. Trent moved next to papa and helped him sit. He seemed fine. After they got back to shore, Dad couldn't get out of the boat. Chad and Trent helped carry him out and set him in a chair on the shore. Chad thought perhaps he was dehydrated and they got him some water. He seemed to be doing better but they carried him in the chair back to the house.
I see each day failing a little more and a little more. It's so hard to watch. We are traveling to Jackson to have family pictures taken on Sunday. I'm looking forward to the evening and I pray it will all go smoothly.
I visited the grandparents again today. I love going to visit. The hard part about today was breaking the news to my 93 and 92 year old grandparents that their beloved son only has months to live. Grandma doesn't always seem to understand but she repeated several times, "How is he doing?" "You mean, they can't do anything else?"
Tough days are ahead but I know in the end without a shadow of doubt that my dad will be watching over me. And not only my earthly father but my Heavenly Father has us in the palm of his hand; he sees the tears and he cries too.

Father's Day

It was perhaps the last Father's Day I'll spend with my dad. I tried to put that at the back of my mind as family (My Dad & Sharon, My sister and two of her boys) came for dinner. But it was like a shadow looming around the corner, the big elephant in the room. We ate dinner and spent the day flipping between the US Open Golf Tournament at Pebble Beach and the Nascar Race. Sometimes it just a delight to sit together and not do too much.

I don't think you can get away from the fact that the "terminal-ness" of the situation though and it loomed around each corner. Do we bring it up? Do we really want to talk about it? Yes, we finally did and I think it's good. I don't know that Dad is physically up for a clinical trial. I think it would put him through too much and quality of life is a little more important than quantity of life. We came to the conclusion that Dad does want to continue to fight this awful thing. (It always amazes me)! He, we believe, will feel better about things if he knows he's at least trying to fight. So we are probably going to go back to the Temadore that he was on initially in 2007 just to try it again. He had little to no side effects from the chemo drug and it's worth a try. If it doesn't do anything, it doesn't do anything. If it works a little, that's good. I'm trying to get a new perspective and handle on all this. It's so hard to face the fact that was the last Father's Day with him.

And as they pulled out of the driveway, a small little tear slipped down my face knowing perhaps it was even the last time he'd be at my house, sit in my chair, eat at my table and enjoy the day here. But with the sun setting and God's glorious painting performing, I knew It was going to be alright!

I Did It!

I wasn't really sure I wanted to start a blog page but here it goes! I have a few favorite pages and they've inspired me to start. I'm not much of a wordsmith; I'm not creative (at least in my opinion) and I'm not sure what I'm going to say.



So let's start with a little of who I am. I've thought lots about this.

I grew up in a small town (my high school class had 119 students). I lived with my mom, dad and my sister. My mom was the disciplinarian, my dad the quiet one. My sister is two years younger. When I was 15 my parents divorced. My mom always told us that she just couldn't live that way anymore. I believe there was definitely a lack of communication. I look back now and realize that my parents in that sense (communication) they were role models to me in a not so positive way. If they didn't communicate well, where would I learn to communicate well. I admit it now. I am terrible at communication. I would rather avoid and perhaps pretend that it will just go away on it's own. I know that's not the case but communication is hard. It's something that you have to work at. People are not mind readers. Well, as it goes... my dad remarried when I was 16, not even a year after the divorce was final. I, like any other teen, learned that I could use that to my advantage and I learned quickly that I could do what I wanted with my dad and well, quite the opposite at my mom's house. I lived with my mom until I turned 18 and then I moved in with dad. At that time I began drinking and partying with friends. I did the typical teenage rebellion activities through college, mostly drinking.

I have to tell you where I was spiritually. Throughout my elementary and high school years I attended church faithfully. I participated in the youth group activities not only at my church but also at the churches of friends. I believed in God but I had never heard that if I was the only person on earth, Christ would have died just for me. I never heard of salvation. No one ever shared that gospel with me. I remember in high school attending the Christmas Eve service by myself. In college I never found a church away from home. I did try a few but never anything consistent. I recall several times throughout college when I would be walking home from work late at night by myself and I would find myself singing hymns I learned as a child.

When I met my husband I knew almost from the moment we met that he was the one. The spiritual side of him is what drew me to him. He was the first to explain Christ's love and forgiveness to me. Three months after we were married I accepted Christ as my personal Savior! While I have gone through many ups and downs I have always tried to rely on Him for strength and comfort. We have three kids ages 16, 13 and almost 10!


So...who am I? Well first and foremost I'm a Christian. I am a mother and wife. I am a secretary, a co-worker, a helper, a driver, an encourager, a teacher, a friend, a daughter, a granddaughter, a sister a lover, and a passionate person. My family defines me. I am passionate about women's ministries and encouraging people in their walk with Christ. I love to sit at a pool or on the beach and read. I enjoy crossword puzzles, working out, and spending time with friends and family. I love music but I cannot sing. I just love to listen! My kids are all involved in sports and I love watching them learn and grow and do well. I love photography and would love to take a class. I am sometimes organized. I am a pile organizer. I know where to find something and which pile it is in! I like to be outdoors but not at night! I like to bird watch. I went snorkeling for the first time this last year and I loved it. I was a little afraid but quickly overcame my fears after seeing all the beauty hidden below in the depths!


I don't like change but who does? Instead of learning through change, I avoid it! I am an avoider in boundaries. I put up walls and it keeps people out but doesn't let anything out either. I recognize this but don't know how to get around it. It's something hard that I need to learn. I am terrible at communication. I rarely share my intimate feelings. I have low self-esteem and often that comes in conflict with sharing feelings and thoughts. I have had them invalidated and hurt so many times.

In May, 2004, my mother passed away in a very tragic car accident. I was the first one to my mom after the accident and seeing her in that state will never be erased from my memory. My mom and I were close. Although we had had our differences when I was much younger, we had worked through many of those issues. Her death was a very, very tough blow. Just prior to her passing, I had never felt closer to God. When the accident happened I felt like I had sank into this deep pit. It has taken my several years to learn to make one step on each rung of the ladder out of that pit. I know that God has been with me every step of the way. I have to cling to that fact. It gives me hope and comfort. It hasn't stopped me from asking, "why?". Time has helped me work through grief.

My dad is currently battling brain cancer. He has a glioblastoma multiforme stage 4! He has multiple tumors. The outlook doesn't look too good right now. But we remain strong and know that God has His hand upon this whole circumstance. My dad and I love to go to the Nascar races together. This is a picture of the two of us at a race!