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Sunday, July 25, 2010

Yes, I have been absent for a little bit. It was nice to get away but also strange to not have internet at my fingertips at any given moment. It's funny how we begin to rely on those things. But in my time away, I did have lots of time to think about things, to journal, to have time refreshed.





When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
                                     Isaiah 43:2

O joy that seekest me through pain,
I cannot close my heart to thee;
I trace the rainbow through the rain,
And feel the promise is not vain
That morn shall tearless be.
                                George Matheson
                                 "O Love That Will Not Let Me Go"

So do not fear, for I am with you;
  do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
  I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
                                Isaiah 41:10

More difficult news came but I didn't wash my car. Dad was moved to a hospice home today. I don't know if he really understood where he's at or fathom what is at hand. Sometimes he has that look....that look that no one is there. And it's gut wretching. It cuts to the soul and breaks my heart. I understand  feeling as small and as insignficant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places that you didn't know you had inside you.

Storms come in many forms. Some come with no warning. Some we see brewing on the horizon and we know it's only a matter of time before they are upon us. Whenever that storm comes, we know that into our lives will blow heartaches and pain. And although we cannot choose what happens to us; a tornado, hail, sprinkles or just a gentle rain, our choice lies in what we do with what life brings us.

Sharon said today as she handed me a new book to read (Heart in the Right Place), "'Fear not!' is a command given more than 300 times in the Bible. The Lord's telling us not to let ourselves be afraid. We can't afford to be scared. It just gets in the way of us doing whatever it is that we're supposed to be doing." We were reminded of that several times today...helping Dad out of the house he's known for the last 15 years, watching the car slowly make its way down the drive, returning and seeing an empty chair in the house, looking at the old, grungy ball caps hanging in the garage and contemplating what life just might be like in a few months knowing that with every turn is a reminder of what we will be missing.

One of the things I did during my journaling time was to work on Dad's obituary. I told someone I did that and their first reaction was, "Really? Wow! That must have been difficult." Honestly, it was very healing for me. It was a step. So, here it is:

Paul Peacock, 66 of Brooklyn passed away under the loving care of his beautiful wife, Sharon and his family. Born November 4, 1943, Paul was a quiet man with a sense of humor who made people laugh despite his often reserved nature. Paul was a person who always put others ahead of himself. He was a platelet donor at the ARC and had donated almost 50 gallons prior to his cancer diagnosis.
A man of great courage and strength, he strived to teach his daughters important lessons in life and always had wise words and advice. He once wrote on the corner of a paper to his eldest daughter, "Always plan ahead."
On March 22, 1986 Paul married his soul mate and friend, Sharon Mary. They were so good for each other. Many rich memories were made over their 24 years of marriage. They made each other laugh and love life. They enjoyed ballroom dancing, square dancing, golf and many, fun activities together.
Paul served at the Brooklyn Presbyterian Church for more than 36 years as deacon and on various boards and committees. Everyone who met Paul fell in love with his gentle nature and loving presence.
Paul worked at Consumers Energy in Jackson for over 30 years when he retired in 2002 as a Senior Rate Analyst. He loved his job and made many lifetime friendship including Carl Gilzow, Bill Milligan, Jerry, Jack and many others!
He loved sailing, golf, NASCAR and fishing! Family was of utmost importance. Paul, an avid race car fan, taped every race since the early 80's. He watched every week and enjoyed several races with his oldest daughter. Another sport he loved was Red Wings Hockey, which he enjoyed with his youngest daughter!
Paul was preceded in death by his brother, John, in 1972. Surviving are his wife, Sharon; his parents, Maynard and Bertha of Alma, MI, his brother Dan (Kathy) of Kalamazoo, his sister Elizabeth (Grant) Tucker of Houston, TX, his daugthers Cammie (Dave) Krueger of Haslett, Dana Everett of Jackson, stepdaughter, Sheryl McKeown of California and stepson, Chuck (Kim) McKeown of Jackson, his 8 grandchildren, Alexis, Emma and Matt Krueger, Trent Futrell, Logan and Caleb Everett, and Duncan and Devin McKeown; numerous nieces and nephews.
A very special thank you to Allegiance Hospice for their special care.

A prayer from Riches Stored in Secret Places....

Lord, the storms come and we cry out in our agony that life is unfair. We doubt your love and question your goodness. And the pain often blinds us to the rainbows of your presence. The fear that life will never be good again keeps us clinging to the shreds of what we had instead of allowing you to build a new and deeper life out of our brokenness. Help us, Father to remember in these dark days the things we know to be true about you, the things that seem so easy to believe when life feels good. Help us to cling tenaciously to the promises that your love is unfailing, your strength is made known in our weakness, and you will never leave us or forsake us. Give us the grace to offer up to you our tear-stained praises for being our anchor in the storm.
Amen.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Therapy

Sometimes when I get "not so good news" my first reaction is to go wash my car.


I don't know why. Maybe it just helps relieve stress! Sometimes it's just therapeutic! I remember when I was little watching my dad wash and wax his truck. I wanted to help; just to be doing something with him. He was very particular about how it was done and he showed me just how to do it, making sure to wax it just the right way. That was a fun thing to do when I was a kid and I still enjoy it today! That's what I did yesterday. And while I was washing and cleaning and vacuuming that song came on (see previous post) and I cried!

We have Dad now on a waiting list to get into the hospice home. Things are declining quickly. Yesterday he didn't know Sharon, his own spouse. It was so heartbreaking to hear that. But he did know his girls (me and my sis). His strength is weakening. I think things are going to happen sooner than we might have expected.

I keep listening to Louis Armstrong's version of "What a Wonderful World" just so I can be reminded everyday, despite the circumstances swirling around in my life, that it really is a wonderful world.

Life's Not the Breaths You Take

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VS5X2V5s58A

I have nothing to add! What a great song - Life's not the breaths you take but the moments that take your breath away!

The Breath You Take - George Strait

He looks up from second base dad’s up in the stands

He saw the hit, the run, the slide there ain’t no bigger fan
In the parking lot after the game he said
“Dad I thought you had a plane to catch”
He smiled and said “Yeah son I did”


Chorus
Life’s not the breaths you take
The breathing in and out
That gets you through the day
Ain’t what it’s all about
Ya just might miss the point
Try’n to win the race
Life’s not the breaths you take
But the moments that take your breath away




Fast forward fifteen years
And a thousand miles away
Boy’s built a life he’s got a wife
And a baby due today
He hears a voice saying “I made it son
He said “I told you dad you didn’t have to come”
He smiles and says ”Yeah I know you did”




Chorus

Just like it took my breath when she was born
Just like it took my breath away when dad took his last that morn
Life’s not the breaths you take
The breathing in and out
That gets you through the day
Ain’t what it’s all about
Ya just might miss the point
If ya don’t slow down the pace
Life’s not the breaths you take
But the moments that take your breath away

Sunday, July 11, 2010

I Love the Elderly!

I love the elderly! This is my grandmother.


And this is my grandfather.

I love visiting the assisted living home every other Friday! I just have so much fun. This week when I visited my grandfather got up from his favorite chair and went to get his desk chair on wheels so he could sit across from me, facing me. I asked what he was doing and grandma piped up from the seat next to me, "Oh he is just going to sit on His Throne." I burst out laughing and giggling! It was so cute! For some reason when we get older, we are no longer afraid to say what we really feel and think. It's like the innocence of childhood all over again. My grandma is stubborn and doesn't like people to tell her what to do...like her exercises! But she is a blessing to me. We have a lot of fun just sitting together and enjoying the moments and reminscing about days gone by! My grandpa now says, "I don't tell people how old I am. I just tell them that together grandma and I are 185 years old!!" And the other amazing part is they have been married for 69 years!!!! Wow! You know, if my grandfather had a high school class reunion he would be celebrating 75 years this summer! How many people do you know who can say that!?
Today, I drove back to Alma (for the third day in a row) and surprised my grandpa. He didn't know I was coming but he had mentioned on Friday that he was singing in church on Sunday! When I snuck up in the pew and asked if the seat next to him was taken, he didn't quite know what to say. He was so happy for the support and to know that I cared enough to come! And oh, it was beautiful! He sang, "What a Wonderful World" and "His Eye is on the Sparrow." I think the real surpise (and blessing) came to me! I truly drove away knowing I was so incredibly blessed!

Saturday, July 3, 2010

A Blessing

This morning the dog woke me up at 4:30 am.! He had chased a raccoon up a tree. And he barked uncessantly! I tried earplugs but it didn’t help much! Upon discovery, indeed it was a raccoon!













Oh the simple life…








This morning after I found the raccoon I decided to slip on my Wellies (while still in my pjs of course) and take a walk. It was a blessing walk. Everywhere I turned, a blessing...








The pigs enjoying an early morning cat nap. (hehee and morning breakfast!)
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
The sheep curious as to what I was doing...
 
 
 
And the hens and chicks peeking the ground in search of a little food!






 
And then my favorite, the goats. Oh the baby goats how fun they are! They had just gotten their morning bottle.








Then I continued on and walked through the pasture.



Can birds really read? "Welcome birds."

And when I returned I was filled with joy and awe at the God who provides endless blessings right there in front of me.



And the dog cried for his raccoon that he really wanted….



One dead raccoon but one lucky dog! Isn’t that what we all do...cry for what we really want and God knows best and we are lucky; blessed beyond belief!

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Life is Short

"Doubtstorms," Max Lucado calls them. "Turbulent days when the enemy is too big, the task too great, the future too bleak and the answers too few."



There are those times in life when there is nothing we can do to change the situation, nowhere we can go to get away from the loss, no one who can make things better. When life hurts we would like God to pick us up and let us soar above the heartache so that even though we know it is there we don't suffer the deep pain we know is coming.

Little do we know that the greater miracle in the midst of the our most grievous storm is when God gives us what we need to simply walk and not faint. At first, this hardly seems like a miracle at all. Because we really do believe that we could soar but then realize it is out of the question and there is no more running to be done. The only thing left is the helplessness of a reality that has forever changed the shape of life as we have known it and love it. Then comes the "keep on keepin' on" stage, when all we want is to go somewhere so we can coddle the gaping wound we have been left with and try to survive the unbearable pain.


When a storm comes along of sufficient force to wipe out our livelihood, our health, our most treasured relationship or perhaps our lifelong dreams, and we are left standing in the rubble of our shattered life, we are in many ways reduced to infancy. So much has been lost and so much changed that we must essentially start over again. We must begin to walk before we can think about running or soaring. Sometimes I wish people who haven't lost someone or experienced these feelings could just get a glimpse of what it is that we feel. Indeed we need help just to be able to stay on our own feet. When we can't carry ourselves, when the loss is one we cannot rise above or work through but no amount of prayer or effort can restore, our most immediate need is the grace to survive the intensity of emotional despair and the physical fatigue that accompanies it. It is here that our faith is being soarly tested at the same time it sustains us!
 
It is here we often cry out from the depths, "Where are you, God?" It is also here that God can do His deepest work in our lives because here we become aware that we have nowhere to go but to Him. We can pour out our screams of unfairness to God until we are empty and broken enough for Him to begin to teach us His absolute faithfulness. We can come to see God, ourselves, and our faith journey with new eyes as we simply hold out our hands and allow Him to lead us into a greater awareness of His wisdom.

I wrote some of this after my mom passed away and I read an incredible book (no longer available at bookstores called Riches Stored in Secret Places by Verdell Davis). It helped me get through the grief of losing my mom. To say that I struggled for months on end was an understatement. It rocked my world. But looking back on the last several years, God was ever needed, ever faithful, and ever present. I had longed for the pain to be gone, the lessons to be learned and the light to shine again. He gave me the grace to walk in the impossible places, taught me to trust and that I will again run and even soar.

Yesterday a friend passed away and my heart aches for the family. I do feel their pain and their struggle. O Lord, please comfort this family in their time of grief.

It is a gentle reminder that life is so short...gone in an instant. O, take that time today to tell someone how much they mean to you, how much you love them, how much they've had an impact on your life. You will never get the chance after they're gone!